I drove around aimlessly for about an hour today.  It was about 7 and the heat had finally eased up.  In fact, driving with the cool breeze in my hair, watching the sunset across the mountaintops, it felt almost surreal.  I guess lately, with school having been wrapped up, a lot of people have been asking me for favors.  And of course, I always happily oblige, but for a few hours today, I just needed to escape it all and spend some time with just myself.

I given a lot of thought recently about my future and who I might want to spend it with.  I think I'm destined to be alone.  After all, I'm a hopeless romantic, and I don't see myself being happy if I just settle for someone, considering I love MCAT girl so.  And besides, I've seen too many failed marriages to make me wary.  I'd rather be alone and content than with someone but miserable.

Before I forget, it's M's birthday right now.  Actually, it's on the 27th, but since I always write these really late at night, it's already Friday morning.  So just wanted to say Happy Birthday Dogg!  Don't worry, I won't be hacking your webpage this year =)

Today was my sister's graduation.  I had spent the morning driving around looking for gifts, particularly a UCLA sweatshirt.  Unfortunately, all the sizes were too large so I ended up giving her money instead.  Everybody loves money eh?  Besides, instead of me picking one out that she doesn't like, I'll let her decide which one she wants and spend the money to buy it instead.

As I stepped into the school, a rush of memories came back into my mind.  High school was the beast time of my life and I didn't really appreciate the time I had there.  The close knit group of friends.  The teachers that saw me grow over the 4 years and actually knew and cared about me.  Worrying with friends about the girls I liked and stressing out over homework and projects. A lot of good memories.   Nothing has been as pleasant since.

Listening to the speakers give their speeches, their voices filled with excitement and hope, I realized that UCI was the biggest mistake of my life.  I had offers from, and the opportunity to go to, Stanford, Harvard, or Brown University.  I could have gone down different paths in my life... oh well, you can never go back.

I chose UCI because I felt guilty for leaving my family.  I wanted to stay in a familiar community with my close friends from high school.  I succumbed to the full scholarship that they gave me.  What I should have realized is that I had to live my life the way I wanted it and not how others wanted me to live it.  In many ways, I think that's why I'm so saddened at times.  I know everyone loves me, but what did all that pressuring and pushing really accomplish?  Am I happy?

That's why I've been so adamant about letting my sister decide her future regarding the school of her choice.  I've never liked UCLA, since I was 10, but that's just me, and so ironically, I've been one of her staunchest supporters in leaving for school. Whether she succeeds or fails there, that's her choice.  Sooner or later, you have to let go and trust that those you love know what they're doing.   And even though my family convinced her into a major that she isn't really interested in, hopefully she'll decide what's best for her before it's too late.

Sometimes I sit and think about what type of parent I'll be... that is if I ever even get married and have kids.  I don't like putting pressure, and I don't expect others to follow my path.  Will that be good or will my kids turn out wrong?  Who knows?

I don't really blame anyone for how my life turned out.  If anything, I blame myself for not having the strength for telling everyone the truth earlier on and living a lie for so long.

So as I was sitting there and the processions were wrapping up, I felt teary eyed as I looked back on how far I've gone without really going anywhere.  I miss high school, but more importantly, I miss having the opportunity to live my life to its fullest.  I took the road more traveled and was worse off for it...

I went to eat Bo 7 Mon tonight with my family.  In part, it was for Father's Day, but more importantly, it's because my aunt has to be returning to Vietnam this week. 

While we were eating, one of my uncles came over with a newspaper in his hand and started to tell me and my cousins about this lady in the paper.  Evidently, she has two sons which both entered college at the age of 12 and then took 5 years and graduated with their Masters Degrees.  I know he was trying to share the fact that there are really intelligent people out there but what gives?

Instead of finding it inspirational, I found it disgusting.  It's just more of the typical Asian parents' mentality of pushing their children to the limits.  Every Asian kid has to be a straight A student, play some musical instrument, win spelling bees, and grow up to be some high paid professional with money and glory.  I mean come on, isn't there more to life that you'd want to teach your children?  What about family values?  What about taking the time to enjoy what's important in life?  That winning isn't everything.  And what about the fact that life and being intelligent is so much more than just book smarts? So ok, the kids are done with school at 17.  So what?  They're no better off to get a job than if they're 25, and instead, now they're lacking their childhood, a time that was meant to be care fee and enjoyable.  Most 12 year olds worry about what to game to play in their free time, not what topic they should write about for their college entrance essays.

I would never push my kid to excel.  In fact, I wouldn't let my kid enter college early even if he wanted to, without finishing high school.  Unless he was some genius prodigy that was bored out of his whits I guess. But I know all to well the consequences of bearing too much pressure on your shoulders, so that you end up miserable, smiling on the outside to feign happiness, but really crying in the inside.  I want my child to enjoy his life and look back and not feel like he missed out on his childhood.  I just hope those kids don't turn out all messed up...

Life is about living and learning.  It's a journey.  Too often everyone is so focused on the destination that they forget to enjoy the trip itself.

Of course in my case, if I spend all my time looking at where I've been, it's hard to see where I am and where I'm going right?.  Hey, easier said than done!  =)  

By the way, anyone know Cantonese?  I'd really appreciate it if someone would translate the song I have on my dedication page.  It's from my own childhood, when I first saw that life can be tragic... a lesson I've learned over and over since then.

I don't know about any of you, but I've always had problems seeing someone in a new light.  After a period of familiarity, it's hard to change your notions about someone.  For instance, after knowing a girl for a while, I can only see her as my friend and it's hard to see her as hot all of a sudden.  Girls that I've spent years growing up around may be cute or pretty, but I find it hard to refer to them as sexy. I always laugh and smile when other guys call them that because to me, they'll always be just the girl I've always known.

That being said, it's always a pleasant surprise when someone can catch me off guard and change my view of them.  For instance, I've always known you to be cute, pretty, and beautiful... but when I was watching you modeling different outfits, and you stepped out in that white tank, smiling at me, I suddenly saw you in a new light.  In that instant, I saw you as being sexy, fine, and hot as well!  How can one person be so much?

I wonder if others see you in the same radiant light that I do.  I'd hate to think that all that beauty is being wasted on unappreciative eyes.

Moving on, it's been really gloomy here in Southern California lately.  For a while, I had thought the Sun had disappeared.  Anyway, as I open my eyes in the early hours of the morning, feeling the cold chill in the dark light, there's nothing I desire more than just to stay cuddled up in bed, oblivious to the outside world.  It's times like that where I wish I had someone to wrap up in my arms, just to pass the hours by sleeping as we hold each other tightly.

I wish I had you to wrap up in my arms...  the thought of hugging you, of holding you closely in my grasps brings a smile to my face as I continue dreaming into the late hours of the morning.

My first girlfriend would always ask me why I loved her.  It irritated the hell out of me.   I think even my most recent ex asked it of me now and then.  What's the point?  Isn't the fact that I'm with you and loving you enough?  When it comes to loving someone, I don't think it's just something simple as a look or in the way the person acts.  There is something intangible that inexplicably draws a person to love another.

I received a forward from K recently that illustrates this example pretty well (edited by me a bit to remove all the forwarding stuff and a little grammar =)  Thanks K).

Lady:  Why do you like me?  Why do you love me?
Man:  I can't tell the reason... but I really like you.  I really love you.

Lady:  You can't even tell me the reason... how can you say you like me?  How can you say you love me?
Man:  I really don't know the reason, but I can prove that I love you.

Lady:  Proof?  No!  I want you to tell me the reason.  My friend's boyfriend can tell her why he loves her but not you!
Man:  Ok ok! Hmmm... because you are beautiful, because your voice is sweet, because you are caring, because you are loving, because you are thoughtful, because of your smile, and because of your every movements.

Unfortunately, a few days later, the Lady met with an accident which left her in a coma. The Man then placed a letter by her side.

My Dearest,

Because of your sweet voice, I love you.  But now can you talk?  No.  Therefore I cannot love you.
Because of your care and concern, I love you.  But now you cannot show them, therefore I cannot love you.
Because of your smile, because of your every movements, I love you.  Now can you smile?  Now can you move?  No.  Therefore I cannot love you.

If love needs a reason, then now, there is no reason for me to love you anymore.  But does love need a reason?  No!  I still love you... because love doesn't need a reason

They say love is blind... I guess you should just be happy that someone out there loves you so instead of trying to question their motives on everything.

I never thought about the reasons I loved who I loved.  All I know is that I did love them.  I guess part of me will always love them. And now I love you, but will I ever get the chance to show you?

For the past few days, I've been falling asleep with the television on.  Now the weird thing is, my dreams are then directly related to what's on the television set.  For instance, a few days ago, I fell asleep while watching this cable show about medieval times.  While asleep, I dreamt that I was some hero and I had to rescue this girl.  For some reason, she was being chased by hunters who thought she was an animal.  Anyway, when I woke up, I saw that the television was showing a medieval type "hunt" where the host was playing the role of a bear.  Weird?

Today, I fell asleep while watching Seinfeld.  I dreamt that I was rowing on the ocean, looking for a house in Tuscany.  When I woke up, I saw that it was the episode where Jerry refused to believe that there were no places for rent in... yup you guessed it.. Tuscany.

So did reality have an effect on what I dreamt, or was I not really asleep and my brain was still processing sounds?  Whatever it is, I know that it's happened before.  Is it true that when kids pee in their beds, that they dream that they're in the bathroom?

I wonder if I can record the sound of someone's voice and play it over and over when I sleep?  Maybe I can see them in my dreams.  Or I can record myself saying someone's name over and over then play it through headphones at night... maybe that person will come to me when I sleep.  Hmmm =)

I was standing in line at Petco today buying a water feeder for my pet parakeets when I heard this girl standing in front of me.  At first, what caught me was her sweet voice.  And then I noticed that she was wearing a light blue button down shirt, a nice long black skirt, and black heels.  Her long black hair was flowing down her back, while in front, it was slightly curled in front of her eyes.  She had a French Manicure embellished with jewels that just drew attention to her nails.  And her face was amazingly cute.  And even I have to admit, her figure was very attractive too.  Very classy, very sophisticated, and if I can say so... so very very fine.

In fact, she's one of the prettiest girls I've seen in a long time. And to top it off, she was buying a couple of fish along with a whole new bowl, supplies, and food.  A girl that loves animals... exactly my type!

The cashier asked for her phone number for the register... and she gave it to him.  What luck huh?  I heard it too, but I have such a bad memory I forgot it already hehehe.

Pretty girls can get away with so much, and can turn us guys into idiots.  I just stood there the whole time looking at her eyes, unable to even mouth a "hello".

Of course she didn't even give me a second look.  Besides, totally out of my league.  And more importantly, someone's already on my mind anyway! What is it with me and high maintenance girls that attract me so?  I bet she was Catholic too =)

Go Ducks!  2-2 baby!

I received a letter in the mail over the weekend informing me that I've successfully passed my Comprehensive Exams!  That means I've met all the requirements for getting my diploma... yay me =) I haven't done much this weekend.  Mostly just bumming around the house.  I went to see The Italian Job and Bruce Almighty today.  The Italian Job was a pretty fun action flick.  In a way, it kind of reminded me of Ocean's Eleven, just not as complicated.  However, the Mini Coopers were hella kewl, and Charlize Theron is just plain hot in the movie! Bruce Almighty was pretty funny.  I was expecting hilarious, but it wasn't so.  To be honest, I'm not too much of a Jim Carey fan... his style of humor doesn't appeal to me too much.  Don't get me wrong, he definitely has his moments that make me laugh out loud, but never bust-a-gut Shaolin Soccer Style laughing till my spleen hurts!  Now that's comedy =)