What's up everybody?  Bet you didn't think you'd ever hear from me again did you?  Yes, I've been lazy. But yes, I've also been really busy.  A lot has happened in the last few months, and I find the time passing by extremely fast.  And so certain things have had to be put on hold, and this site was one of those things.

First off, let me say that I finally got a job!   I was actually getting nervous because my loans were about to be due and the bills were piling up.  But yup, after a few months of anxiety and tension building up, I landed myself a programmer analyst position really close to home. 

As for the job, nothing really interesting to say about it except that it gets the bills paid.  And though it's not like my dream job or anything, at least it's a good experience builder.  But my setup at work is awesome... 23 inch plasma flat panel baby!

So one of the first things I did was build myself a new computer, one fast enough to keep up with all the things that I always seem to be doing.  And for awhile, that's the reason this site was down. No computer means no server, and no server means no website.

In fact, I had hoped to build a server out of my old computer that I had just replaced, and then re-launch this site under a new banner.  But as the days went by, I realized that it's taking me longer than I had hoped to accomplish everything, so for now I'm continuing this site on my new computer and putting the server on hold.  It's funny because the hits to my site just keep growing even though I haven't posted anything new to it in months!

Christmas came and went, and I actually had money to get everyone what they wanted.  They say money can't buy happiness, but I don't necessarily agree with that.  True, the spiritual worth of money itself is probably useless.  I probably will never be able to buy enough things to keep myself happy.  But seeing the eyes of my nieces and nephews light up, smiling as they open their gifts, just makes me feel really good inside.  Having them run up to me and give me a big hug, their faces filed with genuine bliss, totally makes me feel warm inside.  And so that's the true value of money, and that's how it can buy happiness.

I've also started helping my parents out more.  I try to take care of the mortgage bill when I can, whatever bills need to be paid, or whatever needs to be done around the house.  Plus I give them a little spending money whenever my paycheck comes.  Not that they need this help of course, but because I feel it's a good thing to help your family if it's within your limits.  Especially after all they've done for you.  Being the eldest and responsible one has its burdens, true, but it provides its joys as well.

My sister completed her first semester at UCLA.  She seems to be enjoying it and I'm happy for her.  To be honest, the house feels kind of lonely without her at home.  No one for me to make fun of!  But I still pick her up every few weeks. 

Did you all have a nice Lunar New Year?  I actually had to give out some lucky money this year.  Actually, the tradition is that you're supposed to receive it as long as you're not married, and when you do, you're supposed to give it out.  But I feel strange being so old and not giving anything out just yet, and so I did to all the young ones.  How time flies, doesn't it?

So let's see, where have I not touched on?  Work.. check.  Family... check.  Love... hmmm.  Nothing really to tell there.  It seems like I'm on everyone's list for setting up, like I'm some project.  But no one significant has come by yet.  And though there have been some girls out there that have caught my eye, I sigh to myself and think about the many complications involved.  Love and relationships no longer seem so simple like they used to be, and I find myself actually wary of stepping into something that I know might end up over my head.  As the days go by, I wonder if it truly is that my soul mate doesn't exist, or is it that I'm subconsciously trying to find a flaw in every person that I meet?  That I'm masochistically trying to will myself into forever being alone?

I think back on my relationships and I wonder why it is that love seems to hurt so much.   How can something that brings so much joy turn about and sting so deeply?  And then it struck me.  It's simple physics!

Remember potential energy?  The higher something is, the more energy it has potentially, and the greater it can fall?  Same with love.  The more you love someone, the more you care about them and want their total happiness, the higher up in emotional energy you are.  Problem is once you get too high, you totally set yourself up for crashing back to down to earth, breaking through the ground and falling through the seven layers of crap!  When that bubble bursts, you have no where to go but a head first dive. 

I still haven't figured out unconditional love yet though... maybe it's like breaking gravity eh?  You hit some emotional high that nothing can bring you down?  Who knows.

Well, that's enough for one night.  Lots more to update, but I'll save that for another day.  Take cares everyone!

You don't love a girl because of beauty. You love her because she sings a song only you can understand.