Work gave me a slight headache today. Not that it's difficult or anything, but every time we have a meeting regarding the development of the next iteration of the robot, the ideas keep changing. And now, we've decided to change the program back to what I had implemented a few weeks ago, which is kind of annoying! That's one of the cons of not following the strict structure of software design and the software life cycle that industry adheres to. Oh well, no big deal.

So apparently the Miss Universe Pageant was yesterday. Though I didn't watch it this year, I remember seeing it last year when Miss Japan was totally robbed and ended up coming in second. Well looks like second time's the charm because this year's Miss Japan won and I must say, what a total hottie! So pretty! See that pic? See that hair? Yup, I may be particular but right there is one of the hair styles that I'm totally enamored with. Simple and elegant. I always like long hair parted like that. If the left side slightly covered the eyes, that would totally be hypnotic. I must say though, from looking at this picture, she doesn't look so much Japanese as she does Vietnamese or Thai. Still cute though. I think I've always had a thing for Japanese girls, finding a lot of them to be cute. And I don't know why, but the language sounds so cool to me. I was watching Advent Children and the voices of Tifa and Aerith are just so mesmerizing. I guess it depends on the voice, but quite a beautiful language isn't it?

I wonder if I should try dating a Japanese girl for once? Who knows, that might just be exactly what I need.

I remember this one time about a year after my ex and I broke up. We met up one night and were talking when she asked me who was this Japanese girl that I was dating. I replied that I had no idea what she was talking about. Apparently, word around her group of friends was that I met and was dating a Japanese girl from Tokyo. How weird was that? That they would come up with something that never happened, and that she would be curious about it. Anyway, back to Miss Universe. I have a tough time trying to decide who is prettier, this year's winner or last year's runner up.

So Hombre and I were discussing today about how long we'd wait if our significant other was in a coma. I responded that I have no problem waiting a lifetime. After all, if I waited this long for someone who I wasn't even with, who's to say that I can't wait even longer for the love of my life? I'm not sure that's the best attitude to carry around though. I recently read an article about the things you should never reveal to a girl, one of which is never tell her that she's the world to you. Apparently girls need to feel like you have other things in your life and that they're not number one. Does that make sense? I guess I should reexamine how I approach relationships. Maybe that's why I've had the luck that I've had.

I wonder what she's up to. She told me that her job was ending at the end of this month, and that time is rapidly approaching. I wonder if she's still following that path. Well, I hope all is going well for her and everything going as planned.

I came across this passage that I think would make a totally awesome poem to include on any future wedding invitation, memorabilia, or plaque.

"What is it? My dear?"
"Ah, how can we bear it?"
"Bear what?"
"This. For so short a time. How can we sleep this time away?"
"We can be quiet together, and pretend - since it is only the beginning - that we have all the time in the world."
"And every day we shall have less. And then none."
"Would you rather, therefore, have had nothing at all?"
"No. This is where I have always been coming to. Since my time began. And then I go away from here, this will be the mid-point, to which everything ran, before, and from which everything will run. But now, my love, we are here, we are now, and those other times are running elsewhere."

- A.S. Byatt, Possession

A Winter of White Flowers Praying during the night that you left. Your warm breath lingers at that moment of separation. On this long road I tread, snow falls beside my cheeks. Our love is dissolving now, my love. This road of love we walk upon doesn't bring peace. My love, we have lost each other now... You are like the clouds disappearing within my hands. My soul still dreams for our reunion. So many days have passed as I wait, silently watching the white flowers falling. In my dreams, you suddenly return, but as I awake, I am alone. How could you possibly leave, my love? Your spoken words seems to linger around here. Though the months and years have changed, this love won't ever fade. So many lasting nights I prayed, waiting for the day we will unite. You left towards the distant sky, a flower bud left sad in loneliness. We won't forget each other, right my love? While on the edge of loneliness, winter comes. And I'm still sitting here waiting for your image to return.

Kick ass dude, I finally got the translation of Mùa Đông Hoa Trắng. Amazing song isn't it? I absolutely adore it, probably my favorite Vietnamese song ever.

Just wanted to wish my cousin Sir Spend A Lot a very happy birthday. Enjoy dude! Hope everything's good where you are.

May already eh? Where does all the time go? You know, the entire weekend passed and there was so much that I could have written about each day, and yet I lacked the motivation to do so. Blame it on my new outlook on life or blame it on my lost muse. Either way, let me recap for my own memory's sake.

First off, speaking of time passing by quickly, we were talking at work today about how time seems to fly and we're all getting older. Turns out that I finally got V's age... 31. That's not old! Not at all. Why is that girls hide their age like it's their biggest shame?

Anyway, to start off, Friday was completely different that what I'm usually accustomed to. Laomedon was away with his group of friends. Hombre was spending private time "studying" with DD. Mai was at home with her newly arrived husband. And M was off with the latest in his line of ladies. With the group completely disbanded, I spent dinner with Playa and his wife. We had originally planned on going to The Crab Cooker, this new place which he had heard about, but when it was revealed that no one was coming, we decided to head on down to BC instead where none of us has been in months.

The wait there was pretty short for a Friday night, only 20 minutes or so. The funny thing about hanging out with Playa is that to him, girls are always "all up in my grill." Don't ask where me where he came up with that term, but it's just his way of saying a girl is eyeing me. First off, as we were waiting by the doorway, this girl and I exchanged comments to each other, mindless chatter really. The next thing you know, he's giving me the playa wink. Then, as we're sitting down, the waitress was overly friendly and he noticed that she kept smiling at me. Throughout the night, she would pass back and forth and would put her hand on my arm or my back and shoulder whenever she'd check up on us. Of course Playa wouldn't let me hear the end of it for the rest of the night. "She's so up in your grill man. Here, ask for a refill for me." All harmless fun, but still, he's a funny guy. The irony of the guy is that at the end of the night, despite the wonderful service, he still tipped a measly ten percent, forcing me to compensate.

So the good thing about hanging with just them two is that I've gotten to know H a lot better. Since she married him and moved over, we've gotten to become closer friends and I think she's a good influence on him. I had lunch with Playa yesterday and despite her not being around, he still ate vegetarian because it was important to her, and I think that's a good thing. Anyway, we were talking while eating at BC, discussing all sorts of topics. She laughed at Playa as he was teasing me because she said he doesn't act like that around her friends. And she must have gotten comfortable with me because later that night as we were driving home, she tapped me on the shoulder and asked "hey are you a virgin?" I started laughing out loud, asking her where that came from and what she thought the answer was. And then to top it all off, when we were at my house later that night, she asked me for pictures of my ex. I have no idea what she's thinking or why she asked me all these personal questions, but I was cool sharing with them. I always say, I have nothing to hide. Clearly though, Playa has been talking about me. I wonder if she knows about MCAT Girl.

Before coming home, we stopped off at Tastea where I ran into one of my old acquaintances from Long Beach. We chatted a bit, caught up on where we each work and so forth. When he left, I thought that would be the last I'd hear from him for a while. Next thing you know, I get an e-mail from him asking who was the girl I was with and if he could get her number. Haha, totally hilarious. Obviously he didn't listen properly when I introduced Playa and his wife. I never understood that. Even if she were single and available, what makes you think a person whom you rarely talk to would introduce you to one of their friends? Or that I might not be interested myself? So funny.

The night was supposed to be over, but my cousins wanted to hang out before Sir Spend A Lot had to return to Chicago Saturday morning, so at around 11:30 PM, everyone showed up at my house. Sir Spend A Lot, Big D, Coffeeboy, Playa, H, M. We started just playing some multiplayer DS and then headed into a game of Texas Hold Em. No money involved but all fun. Before you know it, it was 5 AM in the morning!

I had to get up at 9 the following morning for an eye exam, so that meant I only got a little over 3 hours of sleep. Man was I tired. I got to the optometrist where there was this really cute receptionist! Thanks for the warning Playa! Anyway, I asked for her opinion on my selections, and though she initially chose the other pair, she relented when I seemed to favor the first pair. Maybe she could see that I was adamant about not being subtle, or maybe she's just appeasing. Either way, I ordered them and hopefully they'll arrive this weekend. I'm totally stoked to see how I look.

Saturday afternoon, I played ball with Big D and Coffeeboy. We've been trying to get in our weekly Saturday games for the past month now, which is good. It's enough to get me motivated again. Went to the gym and got my muscles all sore too. I'm trying this new routine, hopefully the results will be better than before.

I had lunch with Playa and dinner with Hombre on Monday. It's so funny how you can act so differently in front of different people. Talk about different things. With Playa, it's about work and family. With Hombre, it's all about DD. Man, I don't like how she's sort of leading him on. I told him that from my impression, she's torn. She likes him but can't decide if she's really ready or even wants a boyfriend. And so at times, she treats him like just a friend, and at other times, he's more. I don't mind that she's unsure. That's normal. But what's not normal and what I don't like is that she's denying any feelings she may have. If the guy is willing to wait and see, then the least she can do is be honest and admit that maybe, just maybe, she has some feelings for him. Of course that's just my impression. My impression of MCAT Girl was the same, and yet here I am not having heard from her for quite some time. I guess I made myself believe that I'm more important than I actually am. So for all I know, I'm a horrible judge of character.

I've been doing a lot of thinking. You know how according to my palm reading, I'm destined for two great loves? How much of that is a self fulfilling prophecy? I mean could it be that I've always forced myself to just think of the two? Aerith and Tifa... Coffeeboy even pointed out that I seem to like the two equally. But deep down haven't I always had a thing for Rinoa? Haha, my attempt at a lame Final Fantasy metaphor. Anyway, I remembered when she would tell me about her readings, and how her love life was destined to be tough. Hmm, I wonder how much of that is self imposed as well? If you never let love in, always running scared from it and not giving it a chance, then doesn't that pretty much guarantee hardship?

So why is that people find it surprising that I have a journal? Is it more an effeminate thing? Or do I just not convey in my personality that I'm quite introspective? I was told recently that I'm really confident and good at what I do. That I'm a role model and people look up to me. That they always have. You know, I never get used to hearing that. I remember being a kid and looking up to adults who were so good at what they do. I used to think to myself that I'd never get to the point where I'd be good at anything and yet here I am. Still, I try and stay humble, realizing that there's so much more that I need to learn. When I have a friend flat out tell me though that I was the smartest person that he knew in school, it's quite flattering. I'm touched and amazed people think so highly of me, but really, I'm just an ordinary guy.

It's funny but I was sitting there thinking what it is that I want most in life. Not riches. Not fame. Not power. It's simply this: to love and be loved. I want a girl with whom, when I wake up to her face and look at her, I know that I'm the most important thing in her life. That by just being with her, I make her happy. That's my dream. Simple isn't it? See, just an ordinary guy. It's sad but I just read somewhere that divorce rates in this country may even be as high as 70%. Whoa!

So I was having dinner with Hombre and discussing DD when that lady I hate called. You know what? My uncle had just left on a business trip over the weekend, a weekend where her own kids had to eat at my place because she wasn't there to take care of them, and yet that bitch had the audacity to call me on Monday and ask me for $1200! When I laughed at her outright, questioning what made her think I had that much money or why I would even lend it to her if I did, she tried to change her tone by implying it was all just a joke. She told me not to tell anyone, to which of course I immediately told my mom and my other aunt. Man, I hate that lady. My uncle and my cousins deserve so much better. Life's unfair sometimes.

My friend told me that my writing tone has changed recently. Hmm, has it really?

I was browsing online today and found out that my favorite book, The Time Traveler's Wife, is about to be adapted into a major picture starring Rachel McAdams and Eric Bana. Pretty good casting actually. They're two highly talented actors and I can totally see them bringing Henry and Claire to life. For those of you who haven't read it... best. book. ever! In fact, I gave that book as a present to someone whom I cherish dearly, hoping that she would think of me every time she read it. Anyway, this line from the prologue is beautiful in its rhetoric... Why is love intensified by absence?