.: archives :.
 
 
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Dreamt of Lynn again last night. What is it about her and why am I thinking about her so much?
Monday, January 25, 2010
I dreamt of my dad the other night. I was in a car or riding some type of bus, and there he was, standing there on the corner just waiting. He was really young, dressed in black slacks and a white button shirt. Almost exactly like how I remember him when I picture him. It was so vivid, as if I were stepping back into the past and seeing him with my very own eyes. I wonder what's the significance of that dream?

Tet's coming up and I'm not really looking forward to gathering with the family. Every year it's the same thing. When are you going to get married? When are you going to find someone? Its so frustrating! What do they think, that I'm not looking? And what is it with family and always nagging you?

It's not my fault. Every great girl out there is already taken.

I had Shabu Shabu with Gina tonight, which was a pleasant surprise. It was nice just relaxing and having someone to talk to. I don't think I should tell Hombre though since I'm sure his woman won't approve. No sense in starting drama for the poor guy. After all, it was just dinner. Unfortunately, I'm sure she won't see it that way.

Saturday, January 16, 2010
Oh my god, I had the most awesome dream of Lynn last night. Sitting together on the couch, talking and getting close, I leaned over and kissed her. And she kissed me back! It was only for an instant, then she pulled away and the look on her face told me that she was completely surprised and taken aback. It was as if she suddenly realized that I had feelings for her and saw me in a new light. She immediately apologized and promised it wouldn't happen again, but it seemed like nothing more than nervous words used to hide her confusion of not knowing what to do next. But she didn't pull away and all I could remember after that was that she continued staying there in my arms as I held her and stroked her face, eventually kissing her some more and running my hands all over her. Very sensual and sweet, so much that I woke up with a huge smile and wished so much that it were true and that were my life.

Spending time with her has made me realize more and more that she's very much the type of person that I'm looking for. Why is it that the best girls are always taken? And how come I always seem to fall for girls that only see me as a friend and nothing more?
Thursday, January 14, 2010

As I've grown older, I constantly find myself questioning whether I can ever find that magical love anymore. Is it possible to still feel that euphoria and influx of emotions as I did when I was a student? They say that you never forget your first love. Now is it because of nostalgia or is it more because you have yet to taste the bitterness that life has to offer? It's funny, I've spent so long avoiding love that now that I no longer want to be alone, it seems I'm destined to be so. Inside every cynical person lies a disappointed idealist.

It's the beginning of a new decade and I wonder what direction my life is heading. With family getting older, with friends getting married and moving on with their lives, with the struggling economy and the frailty of earning a living, will I still be where I am and surrounded by the same people in the future? A year from now? Five? Ten?

I look back on the previous decade and have to wonder where it all went. Yes I graduated and yes I started working so that I could afford the lifestyle I enjoy, but it lacked the simplicity of the 80's and great memories of the 90's.

I'm lost right now, questioning my purpose and my goals. Everything seems so unclear right now. It's mildly disconcerting!